 THE ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRE KING EDWARD POTATOES THAT GRUNT, SNORT AND BURP PURPOSEFULLY IN CHURCH SERVICES!
Filmed in
CHEAP-BUT-CHEERFUL-ED-WOOD-EAT-YOUR-HEART-OUT
-O-VISION!
Part 2
The Story So Far...
"Okay, you have something to say this time."
"Oh. Right. What do I say?"
"Just try sumerising last time's storyline."
"Oh. Right. How about 'After getting lost in the Nevada Desert, Steve and Joan found themselves being confronted by a spaceship from another galaxy containing the Vampire King Edward Potatoes. Little did they know that these monsters from outer-space were taking a lift in the boot of their Lada. The potatoes made their escape outside Las Vegas as Steve and Joan did a runner. Read On!'."
"Okaaaaaaay... We'll try and get you up to scratch for the next episode."
"Oh. Right."
Now Part 2 of the Attack of etc. etc.
After running a mile from their car after discovering that the potatoes had hitched a ride with them, Steve and Joan realised they were now even more lost than before.
"Where are we, Steve?"
"Well, Joan, with those lights in that nearby town, I suppose we must be near Blackpool."
"We can't be Steve, the Illuminations aren't on yet."
"Hmmmmm. Well, wherever we are, should we help that town from destruction at the hands of those vicious vegetables?"
"No, not really."
"You're right. RUN!!!!!"
Meanwhile, the Vampire King Edwards were planning their attack.
"Okay, so we attack the human's puny-but-brightly-lit stronghold and drain all their blood. Then we liberate all the vegetables that this populace cruelly and barbarically slaughter each year for food. Any questions?"
"Yes. Why are we speaking in a language that it is clear that we should have no real knowledge of, instead of our own native tongue?"
"I suppose it's so the paying public can actually tell what we are saying."
"Oh. Right."
"You're not related to the narrator, are you? Any more questions?"
"Can I go to the toilet?"
"Shut up."
"Sorry."
Meanwhile, Steve and Joan have been forced to stop running away by the producer, or else there is no real story, and start heading towards Las Vegas.
"NO, DON'T MAKE US GO BACK THERE... ahem, yes, I think we'd better go and save this settlement from the wrath of the Potatoes, Joan. Against our will. I hope we get paid danger money..."
SHUT UP!
"Sorry. Anyway, the two of us must make sure that there is no havoc caused by those violent veggies."
"How, Steve?"
"Good point, but I think I have a way. It's not particularly sane, it's not particularly clever, and I could die afterwards."
"Well, none of this story is particularly sane or clever, and it's not in your contract to die, so it's worth a try."
"Okay, here it is..."
Now we have to end this transmission (stopping the production just at the bit where the plot starts getting moving, which is quite fun, really. It must be my sick side, whi...)SHUT UP! Sorry.
WILL the Potatoes mash Las Vegas?
WHAT is Steve's incredibly silly idea?
HAS Joan missed the 'this character can die' clause in Steve's contract?
IS there really a point to asking these questions?
HOW many elephants can you really fit in a mini?
THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE ANSWERED IN THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT OF...
THE ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRE KING EDWARD POTATOES THAT GRUNT, SNORT AND EAT GARLIC THEN BREATHE ON YOU!
Written, starring, directed and produced by Glen S. Passman.
An 'I got bored during the holidays so I did this instead' production.
Copyright © 1995-1997 Glen S. Passman.
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